What NOT to Do On a Long Flight

[ 0 ] March 4, 2011 |

Whenever I imagine bad behavior on an airplane, I think of an episode of The Simpsons called “Fear of Flying”. Marge boards a plane and has a panic attack that even the politest person would describe as frightening:

Sure, she couldn’t help her fear, but pitching a fit in a giant metal contraption in the air is still a big faux-pas. Since not everyone is aware of proper air travel etiquette, here are a few major things to avoid:

Don’t Engage In Conversation

Your seat partner is reading a book or listening to their iPod for a reason – they don’t want to talk to you. I’m sure your anecdote about losing your wallet in Amsterdam is a riot to your friends, but a stranger who’s nose-deep in a David Foster Wallace novel probably won’t want to hear it.

Don’t Get That Drunk

The moral police won’t throw you in prison or anything, but getting super-sloppy-wasted on a plane edges you into Ke$ha territory. And that’s not a good look for anybody. The last thing your fellow travelers want to deal with (besides, you know, an engine malfunction) is you drunkenly starting a karaoke contest. Save it for your American Idol audition.

Don’t Use Your Gadgets Inappropriately

By ‘inappropriately’ I mean keep the content of your media devices to a strict PG-13, or a PG if you’re seated next to a kid. What you do with your laptop or iPad in the privacy of your own home is… well, that’s up to you. But you’re in public now, chump. Keep it clean.

Don’t Smell

The most important Don’t of all. It’s one thing to sit next to an unwashed stranger for five minutes on a bus, but it’s quite another to be cornered by one on a plane for eight hours. Suffice it to say, please shower before a flight. My mom has an ultra-sensitive nose and she’ll be the first to tell you: cologne or perfume can’t mask poor hygiene.

What’s the one thing people do on long plane rides that annoy you most? Tell us!

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