This is a guest post written by MJ from BrokenHeartedGirl.com. She knows everything there is to know about love and dating. And, she’s been gracious enough to provide us with some love advice just in time for Valentine’s!
For more breakup recovery tips, an advice forum and a place to blog about your feelings, please visit BrokenHeartedGirl.com.
1) Trying to be friends too soon.
While it’s great to mend fences – especially if you had a particularly bad breakup and you feel guilty for things you may have said out of anger – it is not a good idea to spend time (in person) with your ex too soon. It can be uncomfortable, it can lead you to keep hope alive for a future relationship – thereby prolonging your recovery time – and it can lead to the always regrettable “sex with the ex.”
2) Not forgiving yourself for “going off the reservation.”
This is a tough one. After, or even during, a breakup it’s normal to go into panic mode: You may get really angry and say hurtful things to your ex, send tons of emails and texts (either saying hurtful things or begging your ex to come back), posting inappropriate things on FaceBook, or even showing up at his house! While none of these actions are appropriate or mature, it’s common that the “dumpee” will do at least one of those things above when they don’t want the relationship to end. If you embarrassed yourself (and I’ve done it too!), forgive yourself for a momentary slip-up and concentrate on moving forward.
3) Neglecting your health.
It’s really easy to lie on the couch and wallow in your misery – in fact I recommend it for a little while after a breakup. But if you find that you’re drinking and smoking more than usual, not eating, and not working out, this will only add to your depression. If you’re reading this article and you realize that you’ve been neglecting your health, try to make a schedule for yourself – complete with goals – so you can get back on track. Don’t make the schedule too heavy, but start with small tasks, like eating 3 times a day and work your way up to working out.
4) Becoming a hermit.
Again, it’s really easy to lie on the couch and cry, but without your friends and family around, your sadness can lead to serious depression. If you can’t bring yourself to leave your home, then reach out to your friends and family, ask them to visit you, bring you some lunch, or even some horror movies. The warmth and comfort a loved one can provide can prove invaluable to your recovery time. It’s always nice to feel and remember that you’re loved, even if it’s not of the romantic variety.
5) Apologizing for mistakes you didn’t make.
When a relationship ends, no matter who did it, it’s easy to look back on it with “rose colored glasses.” While it’s perfectly normal to regret things you may have said or done, when you take the blame for mistakes in the relationship that you did not make, you’re doing yourself (and your ex) a disservice. For example, if your relationship ended because your ex cheated on you, and you take the blame because you were working too much, then you’re letting your ex off the hook and putting yourself on it. Cheating already scars people enough, but letting your ex think that it’s okay to cheat and blaming yourself for the betrayal won’t help either of you in future relationships.
Do you have any breakup tips of your own? Leave a comment below!