The Real Housewives Survival Kit

[ 0 ] February 17, 2011 |

Ridiculous wealth, vicious catfights and shameful fashion sense – these are the campy pillars that hold up Bravo’s Real Housewives franchise. It goes without saying that I’m counting down every last minute – no, second – until The Real Housewives of Miami premieres on February 22.

In anticipation of this television event of a lifetime, I’ve thrown together a few lifestyle and party suggestions to help you live more like the fun-loving train wrecks we all know and love:


It’s no secret that the Real Housewives drink, especially Kim in Atlanta. Considering that Sheree is constantly trying to pull off her wig, can you blame her? White wine is appropriate any time, especially at 9 am during your own yard sale. But if you’re counting calories like New York City’s Bethenny, you can always check out her Skinnygirl margarita recipe.


Any Real Housewives-themed night needs the right playlist. Thankfully for us fans, it seems pretty much every cast remember has released a song. Kim Zolciak’s kitschy Tardy For the Party is always a crowd pleaser. But my ironic favorite has to be Countess (or DisCountess) LuAnn’s Money Can’t Buy You Class. It seems money can’t buy you talent, either:


Warning: not appropriate for anyone recovering from ear surgery.


The crux of New Jersey’s drama stemmed from a book, Cop Without A Badge, detailing Danielle Staub’s controversial past. Was Danielle really an evil criminal stripper who changed her name? Was she actually engaged seventeen times? You can read Danielle’s book on the subject and decide for yourself. Just don’t ever bring it up in front of Theresa. EVER:


There’s no shortage of skincare ‘secrets’ from these housewives. New Jersey’s Caroline swears by shaving her face (um, okay) while Beverly Hills’ Kim prefers creepy electric facial masks. But you don’t have to go to a professional; you’re only a quick Google search away from finding handy homemade face mask ideas. But if you want a true Real Housewife experience, pull a Ramona and open up some champagne while that honey avocado mask dries.

Are you looking forward to Real Housewives of Miami, or are you totally peeved they pushed back the new season of New York City? Let us know!

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